I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
