So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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