Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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