Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
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You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
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She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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