i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
