Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
