the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let's get the cat blown out
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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