i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
