Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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