Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
