She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
