Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i dont even know how to be here
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
