I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
