i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
