I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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