I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
