i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
