They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
