last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
