Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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