Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
