I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
