i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
