Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize