Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
