I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
