I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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