Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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