This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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