i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
