ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
