if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
