I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
