I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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