He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My cat gives me a boner
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
