i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
