everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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