Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
