Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
