Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
