my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
