I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
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I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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