The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
