Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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