I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
