I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
