Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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