Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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