I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
