don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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