I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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