Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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