I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
