i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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