Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
