Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
