you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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