went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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