so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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