He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
