omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
