You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
