My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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