Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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