I wish my penis had an off switch
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
