he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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