I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
