the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you didnt know i had herpes?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
