i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
