I will die if light touches me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
