Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
