he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
