dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
