Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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