I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
