she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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