Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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