Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
