umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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