I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.