and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing