Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

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  (734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q
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  (718): View more from New York

  I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.

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  (718): I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide. http://tfl.nu/8m3e
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  (818): View more from California

  Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.

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  (818): Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me. http://tfl.nu/23e4
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.

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  (443): Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one. http://tfl.nu/dq1o
  Replies (131) Good night (7749) Bad night (1995) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  thats actually pretty good logic

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  (724): I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars" (412): thats actually pretty good logic http://tfl.nu/znkn
  Replies (13) Good night (5996) Bad night (968)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

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  (304): I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God." http://tfl.nu/1oy5
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.

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  (504): I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this. http://tfl.nu/j9b2
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street

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  (724): the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street http://tfl.nu/sbee
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!

  (678): View more from Georgia

  correction: escorted out

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  (404): YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?! (678): correction: escorted out http://tfl.nu/gkul
  Replies (23) Good night (5094) Bad night (834)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.

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  (248): he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg. http://tfl.nu/hgt4
  Replies (24) Good night (1134) Bad night (4836) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake

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  (610): We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake http://tfl.nu/df0e
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.

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  (205): No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s. http://tfl.nu/msmd
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.

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  (570): you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do. http://tfl.nu/t26b
  Replies (2) Good night (919) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body

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  (361): I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body http://tfl.nu/4g9m
  Replies (3) Good night (866) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.

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  (920): PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET. http://tfl.nu/i8hf
  Replies (13) Good night (285) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt

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