Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.