you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
