also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not