Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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