Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
