D3 body, D1 cock
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
