I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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