about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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