I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
