My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
