Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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