I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
